I’m frustrated with myself. I’m frustrated with my own expectations, with the constant stress of living up to other people’s expectations and above all … with University.
I don’t normally do this, but I owe it to you. Nearly two years later and 100+ followers later, I owe it to you. And I owe it to myself, too. I owe it to you and to myself to be real to you (and myself) on my corner of the Internet.
I don’t know what I am doing with my life.
I don’t know who I am or who I want to be.
I have been here for twenty years and I still don’t know whom I am or what I want to do with my existence. I know it’s completely “normal” to not know who you are, or what you want to do with your life – especially at only twenty -, but it’s frustrating because I feel like I have to be a certain “somebody” in order to please people rather than to please myself.
What I am trying to say is: I don’t know if being a counsellor is something I am passionate about anymore. I don’t know if it is something I want to dedicate myself to for the rest of my life. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love the concept of counselling and I love the whole commotion about counselling, but what I don’t love is pretending that I am passionate about being a counsellor. Between the rest of the world and I, I’m not.
At least, I don’t think I am.
When I’m at University I do often find it interesting and alluring to be in the lecture, but when I am outside of University, my time, love and dedication goes towards my blog rather than to my assignments for University.
I love my blog. I love the concept of blogging. I love the people I meet from blogging and I love what blogging brings out of me: my love for photography.
The question I am trying to ask myself in the midst of all these words are: do I love counselling, or do I love photography more? The answer … I don’t even know.
I don’t want to quit University, but I don’t want to not-quit either.
What do I do? What do I even want to do and how do I even find out?
p.s. These are some flowers I got from Kevin and my friend for my birthday. Aren't they beautiful?!