Getting Deep...

I’m frustrated with myself. I’m frustrated with my own expectations, with the constant stress of living up to other people’s expectations and above all … with University.

I don’t normally do this, but I owe it to you. Nearly two years later and 100+ followers later, I owe it to you. And I owe it to myself, too. I owe it to you and to myself to be real to you (and myself) on my corner of the Internet.

I don’t know what I am doing with my life.

I don’t know who I am or who I want to be.

I have been here for twenty years and I still don’t know whom I am or what I want to do with my existence. I know it’s completely “normal” to not know who you are, or what you want to do with your life – especially at only twenty -, but it’s frustrating because I feel like I have to be a certain “somebody” in order to please people rather than to please myself.

What I am trying to say is: I don’t know if being a counsellor is something I am passionate about anymore. I don’t know if it is something I want to dedicate myself to for the rest of my life. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love the concept of counselling and I love the whole commotion about counselling, but what I don’t love is pretending that I am passionate about being a counsellor. Between the rest of the world and I, I’m not.

At least, I don’t think I am.

When I’m at University I do often find it interesting and alluring to be in the lecture, but when I am outside of University, my time, love and dedication goes towards my blog rather than to my assignments for University.

I love my blog. I love the concept of blogging. I love the people I meet from blogging and I love what blogging brings out of me: my love for photography.

The question I am trying to ask myself in the midst of all these words are: do I love counselling, or do I love photography more? The answer … I don’t even know.

I don’t want to quit University, but I don’t want to not-quit either.

What do I do? What do I even want to do and how do I even find out?

p.s. These are some flowers I got from Kevin and my friend for my birthday. Aren't they beautiful?!

XX | My Birthday

 

If you’re not familiar with roman numerals (don’t worry, I’m not either) then you probably don’t understand the “XX” in the title. To put it simply – it doesn’t need a lot of explanation at all – I turned the big 2-0 last week on Friday (27 March).

I thought turning eighteen was scary enough, but turning twenty was a whole new experience. Although I didn’t do anything extravagant for my birthday, I did feel it and that’s more than any other age I have turned in my life so far. That’s saying something, isn’t it?

The days upcoming my twentieth birthday, I felt anxious yet enthusiastic.

Becoming twenty meant starting a whole new decade of my life. And personally, for me, turning twenty signified the “beginning” of my life. These are the decades I know my life will transform. For example, as I turned twenty, a massive change had already taken place; I moved out of my parent’s home and into my own. I can only imagine what’s ahead.

Throughout my 20s I know a lot more will change. I have a feeling this will be the decade I will be proposed to, maybe even be married. I have a feeling this will be the decade I will have my first, maybe even my second child.

It’s all so exciting, but so scary at the same time. It’s bittersweet as some would say. And between you and me, I do hope that blogging will be a part of this decade in my life.

As a final valediction to my teenage years and salutation to my adulthood, I’ll end it with a quote I found about turning twenty years of age:

"At 20,

everything is possible,

and tomorrow looks friendly." - Jim Bishop

Darcy the Pug

Ten days ago, I mentioned in my previous post that I was going to announce something exciting … well … this is it. This is Darcy.

Isn’t she a gem?

Darcy is the newest and first addition to our family. Kevin and I adopted our first furbaby on Wednesday. When I say Kevin and I, I essentially mean Kevin.

For my birthday, just three days ago, Kevin adopted little Darcy especially for me for my birthday.

I have wanted a pug for so long now and two days before my birthday, Kevin surprised me with this little princess and I was beyond thrilled – as you could imagine – and I am head over heels in love with her.

She is a handful, I won’t lie. She is always full of beans and always wanting to play with her favourite toy (who both Kevin and I named Maisie), but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

She has already provided both Kevin and I with many laughs and many “aww, isn’t she precious?” moments.

Because you will be seeing a lot more of little Darcy, I will introduce her properly to you all. And by doing so, I will list 10 facts about our little girl:

1 / both Kevin and I agreed on the name Darcy.

2 / she was born on the 28^th of January.

3 / her favourite toy is a pink moose that Kevin and I named Maisie.

4 / she’s a picky eater. She will only eat Pedigree mince.

5 / she already knows how to sit on command!

6 / she is almost potty trained.

7 / she likes to walk in front of you when you’re walking. Always. 

8 / she had four other brothers.

9 / she’s a snorer! – Like all pugs.

10 / she loves lying in the sun.

And that’s it. That’s our little girl.

Life, Lately

It’s autumn – one of my favourite seasons -, it’s exactly a week before my birthday today, and right now, life is superb.

Today deserved a Life, Lately post, just because.

1 / since Kevin and I still – and probably won’t, ever while we’re here – have the Internet on in our house for ridiculous reasons, I have been reading a heck of a lot.  Particularly a lot of Rainbow Rowell (I say a lot; I actually mean two books).  I enjoyed them both.

Emma from The Earth Through a Lens recommended Fangirl a while ago now, and I finally got around to reading it and I loved it. Thanks Emma! Once I completed and fell in love with Fangirl, I had to get Eleanor & Park also by Rowell, and I loved that, too.

I am currently reading The Two of Us by Andy Jones and he, too, is brilliant.

2 / yesterday I had time to myself to treat myself. I had a bath, and decided to paint my nails – I haven’t done that for quite some time – and it felt nice. Specifically because I was feeling rather anxious for no apparent reason.

3 / this one is a little more – okay, a lot more, - exciting. Since it is my birthday in exactly a week, Kevin purchased something very, very special for me. But I won’t say what it is yet, but you can probably already guess what it is from the last picture.

But I can assure you, after Wednesday sometime, you will know and find out and (if you’re like me), you will fall in love just as much as I did!

Mansfield Getaway

It was a Saturday morning when Kevin and I up and left to head northeast of Melbourne, Australia to a little town by the name of Mansfield; a small town in the foothills of the Victorian Alps.

If you have followed me for quite sometime now you would already know that I go to Mansfield often.

My parents own a caravan by Lake Eildon and we use the caravan as an escape from reality from time-to-time and seeing as it was the long weekend, Kevin and I ventured our way down to Mansfield to spend the long weekend by a campfire with my family.

It was a pleasant getaway and I am already ready for another retreat.